Midlife Crisis or Crusade?

 The average life expectancy for a male in the United States is 77.9 yrs. The Bible says, "The days of our lives are seventy years; And if by reason of strength they are eighty years,.." Psalms 90:10. I had a disturbing thought today and it was that I am now middle age. I turn 35 tomorrow and everyday after I get closer to the end then I am to my beginning. Whether I live to 70 or 80 doesn't really matter I am at the mid point of my life. I have reached the top of the hill and I am now descending down the other side. I know this sounds very pathetic and sad. I know some of you that are older are thinking that you wish you were 35 again but the fact is numbers don't lie and I am middle aged.
 At first when I thought about this I started to think about the past 35 years and the disappointments and regrets that I have. I have made a lot of mistakes and hurt myself and a lot of people. I have done stupid things that I am still paying for. All I have to do is turn to quickly one way and my back reminds me that I have scars that show my physical battle wounds and the trip down memory lane digs up some of the emotional pains as well. The fact is the past 35 years in a lot of ways haven't been pretty. As I started to think about this I started to feel panic and anger. What had I done that is worth while? Have I done anything that would last once I was gone? Have I transferred my beliefs and values to my children? To be completely honest I was pretty discouraged by the answers to those questions. I was having a midlife crisis. The truth was hard to accept. There was not a lot I am proud of.
 I know this sounds very depressing on the eve of my birthday but the truth is this time of personal accountability was exactly what I needed. I decided that I would not have a midlife crisis but a midlife crusade. A crusade to live the life I was meant to live. A crusade to be the very best father, brother, son, friend, citizen and Christian I can be. All aspects of my life are on the table and the changes can and will be made no matter how painful.  Webster describes a crusade as, "a remedial enterprise undertaken with zeal and enthusiasm." I will live with a zeal and enthusiasm that is worthy of this one life I have been given. We have only one shot so why live it mediocrity? Only excellence will do from here on out. I want my children, family, friends and my Creator to expect nothing less from me and I will do the same for them. I won't live my life for the next 30 or 40 yrs but I will live for the next 100 yrs and as a believer I will live for eternity as well.
 I have a friend who has taught me this lesson. Jim Mercer is an older man (the truth is I don't know his age) but he makes decisions all the time that he will never live to see. He doesn't just live for today but he lives for the future even though he wont be here to see all of it. He has been a successful business man who could easily live out the remainder of his life in comfort but he will not go quietly. He will continue to be a force to recon with as long as he lives and generations of his family will benefit from his actions. I have benefited from the fact he continues to be a master of business.
 That's how I want to live my life, at a solid enthusiastic burn until the flame of life has been put out. The truth is nobody remembers the beginning only the end. I experienced this personally when I came home from both tours in Iraq. All the pain, all the fear and all the loneliness of the deployment was instantly forgotten the moment you were dismissed from that final formation and your family embraced you. I will never forget my two children running to me with tears of joy in their eyes, and of course I had a few of my own. At that very moment there was no thought of killing, death, explosions or bad food, all was forgotten. The beginning and the events of the tour paled in comparison to that one moment, the end of the deployment. That is how I want to live the remainder of my life. What has happened in the past 35 years will not compare to the next 10, 20 , 30 or 40 years. I will be smarter. I will be stronger. I will love deeper and take more risks. After all what do I have to lose, I only get one go at this anyway.
 One of my favorite quotes is from the movie Gladiator when Maximus says, "what we do today will echo through eternity." I believe that but it is my intent to make as much noise here as possible before I go. So here is to the rest of my life, my midlife crusade.
Thanks For Reading
Steve